): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
