There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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