I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
if only i could text you this smell
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
