thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
