im drinking this country out of the recession.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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