You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
