is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize