I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
