The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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