his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize