brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
