apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
