paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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