every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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