Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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