if only i could text you this smell
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
