I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
