yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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