I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
please come you make the beer taste better
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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