So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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