Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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