We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
