So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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