I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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