He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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