Even the bartender felt bad for me
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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