I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
