he shaved USA in his pubs
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
