You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
