you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
