How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
