I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
