The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize