Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You are the jesus of drinking
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
