you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
