Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
