I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
