bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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