She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize