Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
