On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
