i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
