i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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