I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
