Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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