May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
