thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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