I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Randomize
