life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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