all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
