I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
