I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
