I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
