If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
