is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
