yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
