I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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