If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
