it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
