I will die if light touches me.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize