Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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