Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
