He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
