You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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