we're blogging at a bar
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
