When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
