So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
