I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
