everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
