Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize