So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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