She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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