you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
