Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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