she woke up with a sticky ear
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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