...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
