just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
