WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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