so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize