I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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