24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
