My nipple is on Facebook.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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