She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize