just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
