so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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