Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
