He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
