I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
