The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
