Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
