hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize