I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Randomize
