so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
