So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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