STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
