I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
