why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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