They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
