i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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