My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
