when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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