addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
