lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
